Damn !
by psykogleek
Summary: Puck and Kurt met at the mall...except one of them isn't exactly himself. Warnings inside


**Title**: Damn!

**Authors**: Psykogleek/Crazysnape

**Beta**: firredheadedelf and GayforKurt big thanks for both of you

**Rating**: M  
**Characters/Pairings:** Noah Puckerman/Kurt Hummel  
**Warning**: Sexual situation between two adult men, cross-dressing, women's underwear kink  
**Spoilers**: None, but anything in aired episodes is fair game  
**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything except words; everything Glee-related is Ryan Murphy's property and the song is Roy Orbison's.

**Summary**: Puck and Kurt meet at the mall... except one of them isn't exactly himself. Warnings inside  
**Word Count**: 9,983

Damn!

Why did he decide to go to Santana's girls' night? Why did he accept to play Truth or Dare? And mostly, why did he lie about how far he'd gone with Blaine when they'd asked?

He knew they always found out the truth! They always did, and now, here he was at the mall, dressed in clothes the girls had chosen for him. Well, to be honest, they were clothes the girls had _loaned_ him. Yes, _loaned__

Needless to say, they'd chosen some of the more slutty things they could find. The only positive part in all this was that they just dropped him off and didn't stay with him. Of course he had a mission to get through so he couldn't just go to the first restaurant, sit, hide and then leave when they called him. He was to buy at least three different things for himself, one of which had to be from Victoria's Secret.

At that moment he hated his life... and his friends.

OoOoO

Damn! Why hadn't he seen those legs before? He wasn't a leg man but if long legs opened for him he wouldn't say no! That was for damn sure!

He tried to get a closer look, thinking about what kind of ass could go with those beauties... Probably round, firm and... well, so nice in his hands.

What could he say? He loved ass! They were even better than boobs. Sometimes, with big boobs, he didn't exactly know where he should put his hands – too much meat. That's one of the reasons why he didn't do that much with Santana _after_ her boob job. Sexting was okay but hooking up – not so much.

But ass, mmmm... and there it was, as perfect as he imagined it would be and beautiful. His eyes couldn't look away from that girl. She was walking slowly, her long brown hair swinging at the same rhythm as her hips and that was just pure beauty!

He glanced over at Finn who was still on the phone with Rachel, or Quinn... most probably Rachel. Sometime it was hard to follow Finn's love life and, to be honest, at that moment he didn't give a shit, because Beauty was nearly gone and that was not allowed!

OoOoO

He didn't know girls' underwear felt sooo nice. Maybe he should be thanking Santana instead of thinking of getting revenge because those red panties (he loved red) were really sexy, and the light blue ones were cute, too. Maybe he should just take the opportunity to buy some nice outfits for coming back as a girl and have fun trying on all the girly stuff he loved without being stared at. And nobody would give him a hard time even if he looked at the wonderful panties in Victoria's Secret.

"Hey, Beauty!"

Oh my god, he knew that voice! 'Keep walking,' he told himself; 'it's not for you 'cause you are not you.'

He kept going, deciding to pass by Starbucks for a Latte Vanilla. He was about to hand over his money to the barista when a light brown hand came from behind him and the voice he'd heard a few minutes before said: "I'll get that."

Crap, of all the times he had to meet Puck at the mall, it had to be today!

Maybe he could pay him to keep what he saw to himself?

OoOoO

Damn, she was just as stunning from the front as from behind! Huge blue eyes, cute pink cheeks (he briefly wondered if her other cheeks were the same; fuck, a cute pink ass… spanking... no... stop), small tits. Physically, she was just perfect!

"Noah Puckerman, miss..?"

His introduction was met with silence and a curious look. Then a lovely, musical voice said, "Elizabeth – nice to meet you, Noah," before holding a hand in his direction. "And thank you," she added, holding up her drink.

She even had one of his favorite names, he mused, but suddenly realized – why hadn't he said 'Puck'? Well, if he had to be called Noah it was better with her delicious lips than Rachel's. Even with those clothes (which on Santana looked kind of slutty) he knew she was a Lady so he would treat her as such. Taking the hand she offered, he lightly kissed it, like a gentleman would.

As soon as he touched her his only thought was 'how can she be so soft'? She had to be dumb or have a ridiculous laugh like that chick in Friends, she couldn't be perfect like that!

OoOoO

He would have never thought Puck could be that gentle, kind of adorable. If the boy was like this with all girls, Kurt could understand how he managed to seduce them all. He knew he should find a way to leave but it was such a wonderful feeling to talk and, well, flirt with a cute, (and he must admit smart) guy without any awkwardness.

The conversation was surprisingly easy. It was as if they had known each other for a long time without realizing it. Even the few seconds of silence were pleasant. Kurt carried on his mission and more and Noah helped him, giving his opinion in a strangely useful way. And each time he entered a fitting room he heard the first notes of 'Pretty Woman' resound in his head and it was funny and pleasant; it gave him some extremely good feelings.

He knew he should leave Noah soon because the girls were going to call in the next minutes and he should be alone at the time but he had no idea how to do it without hurting the boy. He wasn't stupid enough not to know where this was heading... and he couldn't imagine a happy ending.

OoOoO

Pretty woman, walking down the street  
Pretty woman, the kind I like to meet  
Pretty woman…

Damn, since Elizabeth distractedly hummed the song it wouldn't leave his head. In some ways, the lyrics were so fitting that it was funny. The girl went into the changing rooms with some of the most figure-hugging pants he'd ever seen and then she would parade in front of him so he could tell her what he thought. And it was agreeable torture.

I don't believe you, you're not the truth  
No one could look as good as you  
Mercy…

He couldn't believe he was shopping with a girl he didn't even know two hours before; he hadn't fucked her, hadn't even touched her since he'd kissed her sweet hand in greeting. The strangest thing was that he didn't regret any of it. He even enjoyed it. Their discussions were interesting and funny. It felt like they could talk about anything, and they did – from music to mode, cars and video games – she was totally on board with his theory about the Mario brothers. He had to see her again, get her number. This kind of girl you didn't find just anywhere, she was one in a million. She had to be his, there was no other way.

His only problem was that she seemed a bit wary; she didn't share a lot of information about herself. He still didn't know her whole name, her school, the town she was from or anything about her family. He had to be cunning, he realized and that was when he was struck by a wonderful idea.

She was standing at the cash register about to pay for that nice black skirt that really showed off her legs nicely when he hurried up, deceptively upset, and asked if he could borrow her phone to call his mom. Yes, his mom – kind of lame to use his mom for that but, desperate situations, etc...

Pretty woman, stop a while  
Pretty woman, talk a while  
Pretty woman, gave your smile to me  
Pretty woman, yeah yeah yeah  
Pretty woman, look my way

OoOoO

When Noah had asked for his cellphone he hadn't even hesitated a second. He was about to give his credit card to the cashier and he really hadn't wanted him to have a chance to take a look at the name written on it. The first time that happened he'd nicely asked him to put the ugly green dress back and the second time he accidentally touched him in a place a lady shouldn't (at least in public). The reaction was such an ego boost: Noah Puckerman stopped moving, closed his eyes and seemed to stop breathing for a few seconds. It was a true bonus that he managed to pay but this wasn't the kind of move that could be done twice 'accidentally' so by asking for his phone he gave him the perfect excuse.

Kurt kept looking at Noah as he talked. Who would have thought at the beginning of the afternoon that he was going to have such a good time today? Puck turned to look at him and there was something different in him. He wasn't as relaxed as before. Maybe he'd receive some bad news, Kurt thought to himself. A horrible idea came to him: maybe he knew. He forced a smile and told himself that if Puck had found him out he would have come right out and said it. It must be something else, he tried to convince himself.

OoOoO

As soon as he had the phone in his hands he got active. Firstly, he called himself so he would have Elizabeth's number. Yes, he knew he shouldn't be so sneaky but like they say: An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. The problem was that, as soon as he pushed the call button, a name appeared: Puck.

That was incomprehensible. He didn't know this girl before. He was absolutely sure he didn't. She was unforgettable.

Could he have been stupid enough to meet her, exchange phone numbers and forget about it? If the answer was 'yes', then he was stupider than he thought.

Noah quickly made the call to his home, knowing nobody was there to take it. His mom was working and his sister was at their Nana's. He turned to really look at Elizabeth while pretending to talk. Staring at her face, he got the feeling that he had been lying to himself all afternoon. Internally he knew that today wasn't the first time he'd seen her, that Elizabeth wasn't her true name but on his life he couldn't remember figure out what it was. Maybe she had a horrible name and that's why she changed it. Once he'd met a girl named Philomena, but he was nearly sure she was one of his MILF.

Deciding to stop thinking about it_ after all he had the answer in his pocket_ he went back to his DG ( that's for Dream Girl) wanting to enjoy the rest of their time together. When he was about to give her the phone back, however, it started ringing. It was some Gaga song the Glee girls loved. Without thinking about it, he looked at the screen and there was a picture of Santana.

Acting as if he hadn't seen it, he gave Elizabeth some space but still tried to hear the conversation without being too obvious, but she spoke too quietly, almost as if she didn't want him to know who she was talking to. When she closed the phone and slipped it into her pocket, he knew she was leaving. Panicking for what had to be the first time in his life, he started talking without even thinking about what he was saying because he knew without a doubt that if she left now, he would never see her again.

"I really enjoyed our time together, I have a feeling I know you from before today but I don't know why or how I could have forgotten you 'cause you are truly great and kind of badass in your own way so, please, could we see each other again?" He'd said all that with one breath and he waited anxiously for her to respond.

Elizabeth looked at him but didn't say a word as her cheeks turned that cute shade of pink he'd seen more than once in the last three hours. He took a breath and decided to try once more.

"What about tonight? Breadstix – at 7? I realize I am being kinda lame right now, begging like this, and I know I can't force you so what to do you say? Seven? You know where it is, right?"

Without a word, she nodded lightly and he had to restrain himself from jumping for joy, trying to play it cool (it might not be too late for that). He held her hand to say goodbye and kissed it like he'd done before.

Then he left. If she didn't come to Breadstix later he would try to get Santana to make the introduction. He turned around one more time to tell her, laughing: "Tonight, you'll recognize me; I'll be the most badass in the place!"

OoOoO

Oh, sweet Dolce! How could he have done that? He couldn't go to Breadstix! He would have loved to, but he couldn't. He couldn't let this deception continue. Puck would have deserved it last year, but he knew Puck could be nice if he wanted it to. Today he'd discovered he could be smart and cute and Kurt just couldn't play him like that. He had to find a way, a trick, maybe, to tell him 'Elizabeth' wouldn't be at the restaurant tonight. He couldn't let him go to the restaurant and wait for nothing. He headed to the parking lot with his shopping bags and joined Santana in her car. He sat in the back without a word, his thoughts full of Noah Puckerman.

"Well, Ladyface ? How was your shopping?" Had he been in his normal state of mind, Kurt would have noticed the mockery in her tone, but he wasn't, so he just answered, his voice thoughtful.

"It was okay, I got what we said," he replied but he didn't add anything more, and kept thinking instead.

"Well, are you gonna show it or what?" She sounded impatient, which was pretty normal for her.

"Sanny, be nice, Kurtie seems to be a bit troubled," Brittany said, noticing Kurt's mood.

Acting without realizing, he gave her his bags and heard them commenting and talking without really listening. The rest of the ride was a blur. He knew he changed his clothes when he got home but couldn't remember when. The only thing on his mind was how he could get a message to Puck. After pacing his room for about half an hour, he finally decided to leave a note on Puck's car. He would see it before leaving and wouldn't have to wait uselessly. Once the decision was made, it took him nearly an hour to write the right message. It needed to be nice and clear and just perfect.

Then, he realized had a problem: he didn't know where Puck lived and he couldn't ask Finn or anybody else because he wanted to be subdued. He searched in the phone book and once he got the information he changed clothes one more time, choosing black pants, sweater, Doc Martins and even a black cap to hide his face. He was finally ready and made sure he had everything: address, check; note, check; keys, check, too. He was ready.

However, once his baby was parked on the corner of Noah's street, he realized two things:

Firstly, wearing black for camouflage at night was a great idea – when the sun was shining, not so much.

Secondly, Noah's car was inside the garden, and a dog was running around. Needless to say, he didn't feel like going anywhere near that huge and ugly bulldog.

OoOoO

As stupid as it may be, Puck hadn't wanted to look at his phone in the mall. He'd got the feeling that if he did, Elizabeth would see him and know he lied and that was a big NO! So he went to the video games place to look for Finn.

He knew his boy hadn't left him there; they'd come together, they were going to leave together even if they got lost between. When he didn't see him he headed for the only other place he could have been: the food court, eating… and there he was but he was not alone. There was a redhead with him. They seemed to be having good time and Puck didn't feel like interrupting their conversation; he wouldn't have been happy if Finn had crashed his time with his sweet Elizabeth.

But Finn was supposed to be with Quinchel (he still couldn't remember which one) so he might want him to come and prevent him making a mistake. Before he had the time to decide, his boy saw him and waved with his goofiest smile on his face.

Suzanna turned out to be a nice girl, nowhere as nice as his Elizabeth but nice enough. He didn't try to seduce her or to get her number, even for the pleasure of annoying Finn, and Finn didn't either. Maybe he realized that Quinchel wouldn't like it.

The rest of the afternoon was kind of okay, just nothing that needed to be highlighted. By half past five he was at home, and for the first time in _years, _he was a bit stressed before a date. And by 'a bit' he meant 'a lot'.

He took a great deal of time choosing clothing that actually fit him. During their shopping time he noticed that even if she was lightly clothed, Elizabeth obviously liked nice clothes. Everything she tried on was of good quality and had to fit the very best way. So he didn't want to disappoint her. If this was his only shot with her he had to get all the chance on his side.

With that in mind, he trimmed his Mohawk, took a long shower to smell nice everywhere (hoping to get lucky that night), put on some cologne (one he'd got for Hanukkah last year) and cleaned his shoes (the nice shoes, not the sneakers). By the time he finished, it was fifteen to seven so he headed out to his truck. He was about to start the engine when he noticed there was an envelope with his name stuck under the windshield wiper. He quickly took it and read:

_Noah,_

_I have a lovely time with you today, but you were right when you said we knew each other.I've given it a lot of thought and I feel like it would be better for both of us if we let things as they 's keep it a lovely memory._

_Elizabeth._

Damn! He hadn't seen that coming.

He thought he could at least keep hoping until the restaurant. Damn! He kicked the tire once, to let off some pressure, a second time with more force and on the third time something fell from his pocket. His phone. He bent down, and thought _HIS PHONE_!

In his eagerness to get ready for his date he'd completely forgotten to look at Elizabeth's number. His thumb hovered above the key, wondering if Elizabeth was right when she said it was better for both of them to leave it there. Should he believe her? Maybe she had a point. She seemed to know more than him about their situation.

Then he remembered the time they shared at the mall, their discussions, the way they joked around with each other, how they flirted, and he couldn't help it, he needed to know. It was too good for remaining a one-time thing.

He pressed the keys and saw that he only had one missed call: Hummel.

Hummel?

Okay, that was strange; where was Elizabeth's number?

Hummel had called him twice since they had first exchanged numbers. Why would he call today? Did he have a problem? Well he would call him back later because what mattered right now was Elizabeth's number. Santana could help him with that since she apparently knew Elizabeth, too. He wondered why Kurt had called, though; what if he was in deep shit and really needed him? He was his boy now, he couldn't let him down.

So what should he do first, Elizabeth or Kurt, Elizabeth or...

Why did that remind him of something? Kurt, Elizabeth... Hummel, Kurt Elizabeth Hummel? At that moment, he was able to piece together what he thought was happening. Everything suddenly made a lot of sense.

Same blue eyes. Same flush. Same laugh.

Kurt is Elizabeth.

Damn! The girl of his dreams had a dick... and a big one, too, if he remembered correctly (hey, what if he had _inadvertently _glanced at it in the shower?)

Elizabeth's got a dick. Elizabeth's got a _dick_. Fuck! Elizabeth's got a **_dick_**! The most perfect girl in the world had a dick… and an ass to kill for. She had a dick and the only thing he could think was:

So what?

OoOoO

Kurt was completely exhausted. His day had been a real roller-coaster, full of emotion and stress. His main purpose for the night was to go to bed and sleep to forget how he and Noah had got along so well together. His eyes slid around the room and fell on the clock. It was half past six, nearly an hour before dinner. He decided to take a bath to relax and forget Breadstix where he should have been meeting Noah in the next half hour.

With music playing softly on his Ipod, he relaxed in the tub with a green-sand mask on his face and closed his eyes, enjoying the smell of the lavender and the feel of the bubbles. He took his time in the bath as he wasn't planning on going out. Blaine and Rachel had called him but he had let the calls go to his voice mail. He didn't feel like talking so he would call them back the next day if he felt like it.

Singing softly, he finally got out of the tub, tying a towel tightly around his waist and headed to the door. As soon as he opened it, however, he nearly screamed before spinning around and slamming it quickly shut.

What was **he** doing here?

OoOoO

Damn! How could Kurt's appearance suddenly give him such a huge boner now? He'd seen him the day before in the locker room and he hadn't given him a second glance! At least now he is sure of one thing; Puckzilla didn't fucking care about the no-tits thing.

Kurt's flat, pale and most certainly soft chest looked nice, really nice, even tasty. Maybe Kurt would let him taste it soon; he licked his lips with joyous anticipation. Kurt was now back wearing a robe. Was he still naked under it, Puck wondered. Damn, he shouldn't have these kinds of thoughts. His dick was aching now; she was yelling "**let me free!**" _Listen, buddy, I know what you want but it's impossible right now so be quiet, I've got some business to get out of the way first_.

"**_Who_**are you talking to?"

Double damn, he said that out loud.

"No one."

Fuck, when he'd arrived, he'd held all the cards; now, not so much.

"Finn's room is the next one on the left, but I'm not sure if he is there."

"I know and he is."

He kept looking at Kurt, enjoying his discomfort.

"So, what are you waiting for?"

"I'm not here to see him."

They continued to stare at each other. Puck watched joyfully as Kurt's cheeks become more and more pink. When even his neck was pink, he added: "I came for you."

"Me? Well, give me two minutes to get dressed."

Puck nods but doesn't move until Kurt pointed to the door, and just before closing it he said, "You are kind of hot when you blush…"

OoOoO

He knew.

Kurt didn't know how, but Noah Puckerman knew Elizabeth and Kurt Hummel were the same person. He took a deep breath and dressed quickly in something nice and casual. Five minutes later, and before he got the chance to do it himself the door opened and Puck was back.

"Hey, dude, you don't need that much time to put on some underpants!"

"Don't call me 'dude' and it would have been polite to wait until I said you could come in. I could have been naked, you know?"

"You mean if I had been here two minutes ago you would have been…?"

"Have been what?"

"Naked?"

"More or less."

"Damn! That's what you get for trying to be a gentleman!"

Those words were followed by silence. Kurt couldn't believe it. It was as if Puck were flirting with him, as he'd done at the mall but it must be some kind of prank, or a joke. Acting as if he hadn't noticed it, Kurt headed to his vanity and sat, inviting Puck to have a seat as well.

"So what led you to me, Puckerman?"

"I preferred when you called me Noah."

"I've never called you Noah, Neanderthal."

"Yes, you did, this afternoon."

"This afternoon? I don't recall seeing you today, at least, before now."

"You did, and I know, so stop fucking with me, _Elizabeth_!"

He really did know! Kurt sighed, aware that it was too late to try and persuade him differently.

"Okay, you are right. I am Elizabeth. What do you want?"

Puck's answer was immediate.

"What you promised!"

"I didn't promise you anything.."

"Yes, you did."

"No, I didn't."

"_Yes, you did_!"

"No, **_I didn't!_**"

"**_Yes, you did_****_!_**"

"Okay, fine! What was it?"

"You said we would meet for dinner, and you didn't come."

"Dinner? But why would you want me to go, you know!"

"Dude, I've already been lame once today, don't make me do it twice."

But Kurt kept silent, focusing on Puck, waiting to see if he would talk... and he did.

"I had fun at the mall despite all the shops and all, and you said you would come to Breadstix with me. You can't just change your mind now, dude, it's too late!"

"You realize I am not really Elizabeth."

"Of course, you are."

"No, I mean, I am not a girl," Kurt murmured.

"I'm not dumb, I know you are a dude; so…?"

"I am not a **girl** and I don't want to be one. It was just a stupid _dare_! I have a...'

"Dick_ and a big one, if I remember well. No boobs, great… fabulous ass, greatest legs ever – I know."

"A-and you don't care?"

"I care."

"I... I don't understand."

"I don't care about the no-tits 'cause I'm not a huge fan, but I care about your fantastic ass and legs, and I care that you are funny and sweet when you want to be. You are everything I love in a girl. I called you 'Dream Girl' in my mind all afternoon!"

"…but I am a boy!"

"Well, Puckzilla doesn't give a fuck and don't tell me you didn't notice his reaction when you left the bathroom in only your towel 'cause, I won't believe you."

"I didn't notice; I was too busy hiding..." Kurt paused, smiled and then added, "...however, I noticed the pink in your cheeks."

His smile grew bigger when he saw Puck's eyes widen before he turned his head, clearly awkward, strangely quiet. Kurt found it cute but something told him that cute wasn't a thing Noah Puckerman wanted to be associated with so he continued to watch him and added 'but in a very manly way!'

Puck looked at him finally with a cocky smile on his face.

"You may have missed it but I didn't. And you know it: you heard me telling her to be quiet."

It was Kurt's turn to flush.

"That is who you were talking to?"

"Yep, she was really happy, and it hurt you know, even without the super-tight pants. So can we go now? I'm starving!"

Kurt nodded and then asked in a small voice he almost didn't recognize. "Do I have time to change?"

"You don't, 'cause you are more than an hour late now but seeing as I'm a nice guy – I'll give you five minutes to put on another pair of pants. But that's just because I know you won't go anywhere in sweatpants... Please, though, don't put on skinny jeans, they are really distracting."

And then, he left so Kurt could get dressed.

OoOoO

Puck was nervous, obviously. Tonight was like a one-shot; if he wanted it to be more he had two things to prove to Kurt. First, that he didn't care that he had no tits but a dick, instead, and second, that it could be as wonderful when they were two boys as it they were a boy and a 'girl'. Easy, at least it should be, he hoped.

At the beginning, being alone in front of Kurt in a restaurant was strange. But then the situation shifted and it was clear, simple, normal. Someone, he couldn't remember who, started the conversation and it was as easy as in the mall. Talking, laughing, flirting; everything was natural.

Then Kurt touched him. Notihng too big; their hands brushed against each other when they reached for some breadsticks. The bread was good but the feeling Kurt's hand awakened in him was more than good; it was fucking wonderful and it was just a hand! Probably lame, but he just wanted to keep his hand on him, anywhere, even in his.

What he wanted the most to do was tease him, because the little bastard had put on pants so tight that it seemed to be painted on him. He'd made only one request of him, damn it! Moreover, each time Kurt blushed, Puckzilla jumped; needless to say it wasn't the most peaceful meal of his life.

He excused himself to go to the bathroom (yes, he can be a gentleman! He already said it) and took a few breaths before going back to their table. He carelessly slid into the seat next to Kurt instead of in front of him and immediately noticed that Kurt was surprised but tried not to show it.

The conversation started back up from where it had stopped but now the game was on. He talked and distractingly put his hand on Kurt's thigh... and damn, he had some muscles there! No wonder he managed to kick like that on the football field. Strange feeling, but nice.

OoOoO

Noah Puckerman's hand was on his thigh, petting it, going a bit higher each time. After the first second of surprise, Kurt hid a smile thinking, _'if Noah wants to play, I can play too'_. He emulated his action, first on the knee, and went slowly higher until his pinky finger brushed his penis. He looked Puck in the eyes and said with his sweetest voice, "It's true, she does like me!' and he lightly stroked it before murmuring, "Darling, don't be too hard with Noah."

His impertinence was reward with the sight of a blushing Noah Puckerman. The hand on his thigh stopped moving and since he didn't want to make his companion feel even more awkward than he did now, Kurt reached for the menu and looked at the desserts. He was in the mood for chocolate.

OoOoO

He touched his dick. At the table. In a restaurant, where anybody could have seen it. And he called it "darling". Dude, Kurt Hummel was a fucking badass! He wouldn't dare to say it out loud but he may even be more badass than him. Sometimes, he would have loved to do something like that but he knew that even Santana had her limits. Needless to say this didn't help with his hard on.

Kurt was speaking but on his life he couldn't tell about what. He tried to concentrate on the movements his lips were doing to decrypt what they meant but it was clearly a bad idea. Maybe his worst ever. Who knew that Kurt's lips could be that yummy? Well, he did notice this afternoon, and tonight, he just wanted to taste them. Watching his lips moving was mesmerizing but he should try to hear what he was saying but couldn't stop looking.

"Ow, damn! Why'd you pinch me? That hurt!"

"Stop acting like a pervert and answer me!"

"Yes!"

"Yes?"

"Yes, absolutely right."

Must have been the wrong answer since Kurt looked suddenly disappointed and sad, almost hurt.

"Okay."

Fuck, he really fucked up here! Kurt reached for his bag and some money.

"Hey! What are you doing?"

"Do you have to ask?"

"Well, yeah; we were having a good time there and then, BAM! You want to leave!"

"I asked and you said yes!"

Damn, of course he should have known that answering without knowing the question was a bad idea. He said yes to please Kurt by agreeing with him and it turned back on him.

"Okay, can you sit down, please? And repeat your question; I might have heard it wrong, or not at all..."

Silence met his words. He watched Kurt staring at him, searching for something, but for his life he couldn't say what. At the end, he must have found it because he sat back and whispers.

"I asked you if you wanted me to leave so you could go flirt with the girl behind me… since you have been staring at her for I don't know how long."

Great, now he was going to be the bastard that doesn't listen to him.

"Okay, so the good answer is no, then… which girl?"

"The blonde one."

"First, I hadn't even seen her before you showed her to me, and then I am completely aware this is bad but I didn't hear the question, that's why the answer was wrong. And, finally, all of this is your fault so you can't be mad at me."

"_My fault_? How can it be my fault, you being unable to follow a simple conversation?"

"It's not a simple conversation when it happened just after you touched Puckzilla and you licked your lips like a ton of times when you were speaking!"

He would have rather Kurt stayed in the dark about how distracting he found him, but if it made him stay, good. He observed the other boy's reaction, and smiled. A blushing Kurt was such a nice view, so big bonus!

OoOoO

To say that Puck's words were a surprise would be a huge understatement. He had noticed Puck's reaction, but hadn't thought, even for a second, that he was staring at _him_. It seemed so unbelievable but true! If Noah's Puckzilla was hard, he had to admit that his Diva was, too. Now, they had two possibilities before them; one wise, the other... not so much.

They could stay at the restaurant, eat some cake, calm themselves to go slow... or they could leave now, order something to take away and discover each other in a more physical way. Touching Noah's arms, abs, ass...

Just thinking about it was making Diva so hard that it hurt, oh Gaga, and he had to visualize Rachel's sweater from last week or worse, the picture of Coach Sylvester and Figgins in bed that he'd found when he was searching Coach's desk. If it worked that quickly, it was most likely due to Figgins's chest. Ew, so hairy and disgusting. Was Noah's chest hairy, too… or his butt? Without thinking, he opened his mouth and asked.

"Do you have a hairy butt?"

Oh, he shouldn't have asked that when the other boy was drinking. The poor boy started choking. Oh, Jacobs, coke in the nose must hurt a lot! Putting a hand on Puck's back he helped him to get clean before inquiring.

"You okay now?"

"Fuck! Yes, but were you trying to kill me? Where did that come from? Dude, I don't see the link between chocolate cake and hairy ass!"

"Well, do you?"

"_NO!_"

"Good, I don't like those."

"How about yours ?"

"Like a baby's bottom... like all my body. I put this wonderful cream everywhere so I am soft… _everywhere,_" and he finishes with his best smirk and a wink.

Noah looked at him, his mouth slightly open, and then he laughed. Kurt hadn't ever seen him laugh that loudly and he was gorgeous. His eyes were bright with joy, his cheek damp with tears and the sound escaping from him was like the most wonderful song ever.

"Dude, you're crazy!"

"But you love it, darling. So, I was thinking we could take dessert away and go for a walk or stay put in the truck."

OoOoO

Puck looked at Kurt closely, wanting to be sure he knew where this would most probably lead. His face seemed calm, completely ready for whatever could happen. So Puck nodded. His DG from the afternoon had changed to his DB. Kurt was everything he'd been at the mall, but more free, tactile, kind of a tease and he loved it. He never felt this good with anybody; not with Finn nor Quinn, maybe with his sister but with an attraction he never felt before. Best feeling ever.

OoOoO

Noah was silently walking beside him. It was nice, peaceful. They were eating ice-cream and discreetly glancing at each other. He was as aware as Puck that something was going to happen. The only questions were 'what' and 'when'. The tension was slowly going up. Kurt would have loved to take some action but suddenly felt shy. His cheeks were warming up. What could he do? He fought down a smile when Noah's hand brushed his. His fingers were lightly touching the palm of his hand, kind of a butterfly touch – such a nice feeling. He could feel it in all his body. They carried on with the small touches until their hands were kissing each other, their fingers intertwined. Kurt stopped fighting his smile and when he looked at Puck, he saw him looking back at him, a goofy smile on his face and he laughed...

OoOoO

How could he have missed it for so long? Kurt was beautiful, laughing with his pink cheeks. He wanted to touch them, discover if they were as hot as they appeared. Without thinking too much he pulled on Kurt's hand until the boy fell against him, and gently kissed the pink. It was better than he imagined. Kurt was right, his skin there was as soft as those of his hands though slightly warmer, and his smell was just whoa!

He realised then the laughter had stopped. Turning his eyes, they were caught by Kurt's. He froze, unable to move. Should he go forward, and press his lips on Kurt's or move back and take his time? Before he even had time to decide, he felt lips on his.

At the beginning, Kurt simply brushed their lips together, hesitatingly, as if tasting them, but then he must have liked his flavour because Kurt's tongue brushed his lips and then slid inside, petting his tongue. Noah had never been kissed like this before. The countertenor had entirely taken over the kiss.

He felt Kurt's hand on his neck, on his arms, running through his Mohawk, everywhere. It was like being the prey of an octopus. It was breathtaking and he realized he couldn't feel his legs. There was something inside of him fighting to get out but he didn't know what, at least until he heard the loudest moan ever and realized it was coming from him.

As suddenly as it began, it stopped. He blinked like he was waking up from the best dream ever, and looked at the boy, the man, who had turned his world upside down in one day. Passing his tongue on his lips to try to catch the remains of Kurt's taste, Puck asked:

"Why'd you stop?" He hated hearing his voice sound so insecure.

"We are on the sidewalk, Noah."

He looked around him and realized that they were, indeed, standing on the sidewalk. On his right, a couple of women were watching them with wide-open eyes.

"Damn!" He grabbed Kurt's hand and pulled him towards his truck.

OoOoO

Noah's truck stopped in front of his house. It was five minutes before his curfew. They had just spent an hour making out in the truck and it had been wonderful. He'd never felt this much passion with Blaine, even the few times they'd had sex. There had always been some kind of restraint, but not here.

With Puck, all he could think about was Puck. Noah's hand on him, his mouth, his taste, the way they kissed, like nothing else mattered. He would love to have more time with him. He wanted to discover the real Noah Puckerman, the one he'd seen all day (despite his 'Dude, I am a badass' part). He knew Puck was more of a one-night stand kind of guy but he also knew he was able to make some exceptions. He'd done it with Lauren and tried to with Quinn. But where on the range would he, Kurt Hummel, fall? He turned his head in Noah's direction, hoping to read something on his face but it was strangely blank. So, since he had only three minutes left, he lightly kissed the other boy's cheek, smiled before opening the door and headed into his house.

OoOoO

"See you in Glee."

These were Kurt's last words before leaving. Which meant they wouldn't see each other before Tuesday_ three days _ three long days. Puck realized he was not okay with it, not at all. Kurt was already to his doorstep when Noah opened the door of the truck and called to him (he hated that it felt like some cheap chick's movie) and hastily caught up to him.

They looked at each other and then Kurt raised an eyebrow as if to say something like 'So, what now?'

And just like that, all his bravery leaves him and Puck, badass Puckerman, is spluttering in front of Kurt 'King of Badass' Hummel.

"I thought that maybe we could, that's if you want to, you know... do something tomorrow? Maybe eat that ice cream you said you wanted, see a movie or go to the mall, 'cause it was kind of fun this afternoon or... "

Kurt put a finger on his lips, and smiling said: "You are cute when you are flustered."

Cute? _Cute?_ CUTE? He could be anything but cute; that was a big NO!

"Okay, just stop with the cute shit. I'll be here tomorrow at 2.30. Be ready."

Seeing Kurt's smile disappear he added, "Please?" He kissed the boy's cheek and left before Kurt could give him an answer.

OoOoO

_A few weeks later_

Who knew that being someone's boyfriend could be that awesome? With Santana he'd had the sexy times but not the rest; with Lauren it was the other way around. And thinking about it, with Quinn it was neither, although some of that was his fault, some was hers. Maybe that's why it was so great with Kurt; he had everything with only one person. They could talk about absolutely anything, joking around, playing video games and lots of squabbles that always ended with kissing. And kissing, and kissing again and making out. He didn't realize before that just kissing could be _this_ good.

They hadn't had sex yet, didn't see each other naked (except for the changing rooms in shops, and even then it wasn't complete nakedness). But he strangely liked the idea of waiting. The making out was hot, like really hot, even without the under-the-clothes action. All the physical parts have been fucking wonderful so far so no worry here. He would have never imagined that feeling a dick getting hard against him could be that exciting but he nearly pulls a Finn each time he feels it.

The only annoying thing is that every time he has tried to slip his hand in his boy's pants, Kurt moved away. It wasn't as if he tried to push things too far; honestly, he only wanted to touch his underwear. Well, if Kurt was okay to go further he wouldn't say no, but what he kept thinking about was his underwear, ever since their first meeting at the mall. When they were Elizabeth and Noah, and the 'girl' had a Victoria's Secret bag in her hand.

At first, he didn't think too much about it; but one night he dreamt about Kurt in a pair of black panties and it was so fucking sexy that it became his favourite jerk-off material. And now, he would love if the dream became reality but he didn't want to scare his innocent boyfriend by revealing a kink he just discovered himself. So, instead, he just tried to cop a little feel of the 'panties' to see what kind they were.

And now, three weeks after the first dream, he was with Kurt, on his king-size bed, they were kissing like mad and suddenly he was alone. When he open his eyes, his boy was sitting as far from him as possible, his knee up to his shin.

"What? Kurt? Babe?"

OoOoO

Kurt felt bad. He was watching his boyfriend feeling bad and it was his fault – and Santana's.

"I'm so sorry, babe, did I go too far?"

Kurt felt even worse. Puck hadn't gone too far. He would love to feel his hands on his bottom or anywhere he wanted to put them but it seemed like he couldn't allow it to happen. He knew he really should have stopped wearing the panties he'd bought at Victoria's Secret. He loved them. They were so soft, they squeezed him a little but it felt so nice. If only Santana hadn't dared him to do it, he would have kept on with his life without knowing he just had a kink for wearing women's underwear. He wouldn't have felt the need to keep his wonderful boyfriend away. He wouldn't be feeling bad and Puck wouldn't either. He would have loved to go over to Puck and reassure him, but it was as if he were paralyzed. How could he explain himself without having the other boy thinking he was some kind of freak?

"I can wait, you know. I just…"

Kurt watched Puck, still lying down and he saw how tight his hands and jaw were and realized how difficult whatever he was about to say must be. He might be the worst boyfriend ever but he couldn't let him down like this, so he quietly stretched out beside him, took Puck's hand in his and pressed it to let him know he was there.

"You just … what?"

OoOoO

Puck felt Kurt near him, reassuring, and he got the feeling that it was going to be okay. His boy wouldn't be scared, he would understand... he hoped.

"I... I am not some kind of pervert or anything, okay? This has never happened to me before, I hope you realize that, okay, babe?"

"Okay," Kurt started but then he couldn't talk any more.

Puck was freezing up until Kurt put his head on his shoulder and then brushed a kiss on his cheek. "Talk to me, please," the countertenor murmured and then he was at ease.

"Okay, do you remember that first time, when you were Elizabeth?"

He felt Kurt nod.

"When we met, you already had some bags. I know it's stupid but I keep thinking about one of them."

This time Kurt stopped moving and whispered a question. "Which one?"

"You know which one. I know why you were dressed like that, but I am curious. What did you buy and what did you do with it? Tell me and I swear I will keep the touch as innocent as you want until you tell me differently. It's just I have a lot of imagination and it's just driving me crazy, so please, can you just tell me that?"

Puck stayed still, waiting for Kurt's answer and the other boy kept his silence. Slowly, Kurt began to move, standing up. Puck closed his eyes; he should have kept his fucking mouth shut. Now Kurt thought he was at best a strange fellow, or worse, a pervert. He was going to lose his boyfriend and he realized it scared the shit out of him. He didn't want to open his eyes, he didn't want to see Kurt's disgusted face, he didn't want to know what that noise was that Kurt was making.

OoOoO

How could it be possible? Puck was turned on by his most precious secret! He liked what pushed him, Kurt, to keep him at distance. He felt him tense up against him and understood how difficult it must have been for his boyfriend to open up about his fantasy, especially as Puck wasn't used to being open about his feelings.

He tried to tell him that it was okay, that there was no reason to be scared or ashamed but for one of the first times in his life he couldn't find the words. Wanting to be as courageous as Noah, he decided to simply show him his answer.

Noah's eyes were closed so in a way it was easier. He wouldn't have been able to do it if he had been staring at him. Acting as quickly as possible, he took off all his clothes, only keeping the panties on. At the last second, he hurriedly added a light robe and then he closed his eyes, took a deep breath and said:

"Noah? Open your eyes, please?"

He didn't recognize his voice, so small it is and faltering. The silence around them was deafening, heavy, full of a little something he couldn't name. Keeping his eyes closed and his ears open, he tried to figure out Noah's reaction. There was some loud breathing, followed by the rubbing of fabric. His whole body was crossed by tingling, burning from the intense look he knew Puck must be giving him. If only he could open his eyes to see if it was a positive or negative reaction!

But he was too cowardly.

"Can... can I... can I touch you? " Puck's voice _ barely a whisper _ made him tremble. Feeling the emotion in his boyfriend's voice, he knew he'd read him well and nodded. He opened his eyes at the same time a finger started to touch him.

"Beautiful."

OoOoO

Damn! He never thought Kurt would do something like that. His dreams were far from reality. At the moment his lids liftd, his dick_which had been sulking_ woke up. He'd never felt this much pressure in so little time.

The sight before him was beautiful, amazing, breathtaking. He couldn't divert his eyes from the small triangle of red silk. He was mesmerized by it. His hand, as if it had a mind of his own, got closer and closer but stopped just before touching. He looked at Kurt's face, his eyes still closed and that's when he noticed that his boyfriend was so stressed he was barely breathing. Not wanting to take him by surprise, and not really sure he was allowed to, he asked:

"Can... can I... can I touch you?"

The question was completely valid. Usually, when you have something that beautiful in front of you, you can look but not touch, like in a museum. But Kurt was not one of those tempting paintings or sculptures. He wanted to be touched.

Using only one finger, Puck followed the line of the panties where skin and fabric met. Kurt's reaction was immediate; he shivered and moaned. Puck heard it twice and took a few seconds to realize the second time was him. That's when something broke.

He slid his both hands between the soft skin and the silk of the dressing robe and hugged him tight, putting a kiss just below the cute belly bottom. It was too much. He'd never felt this much in so little time and all his senses were overcome by information. The view was pure beauty, the feeling of Kurt's skin on his, his smell, his taste, the sound of his jumping breath; he kissed the small triangle and realized his boyfriend was as hard as him and when Kurt's soft hand petted his head, too much wasn't just an expression and he literally came in his pants.

OoOoO

Noah's reaction was so much different than what he imagined. The boy was completely hypnotized. It was more than he could take and when Puck kissed him just before climaxing he couldn't help but follow.

A few minutes later they were both lying on the bed, Puck's head on his chest. He was petting his Mohawk as Puck was drawing some arabesque on his ribs.

"Sorry."

"What?"

"I'm sorry for being this quick; it never happened to me before."

"That's okay. I don't know if you notice but I was just behind you."

He felt Puck's smile more than he saw it.

"I noticed."

"Personally, I found it hot."

"Premature ejaculation?"

"Idiot! That's not it."

"Well it felt like it. I touch you with one finger, you pet my head. The head up not down."

"I kept my word. It's hot. Imagine what it will feel like when we really touch each other."

There were a few seconds of silence before Puck answered, huskily. "Oh, yeah... but, do you think you could, well you know, wear some boring boxer or pants or something?"

Kurt's hand stopped moving. "I thought you liked it?"

"I do, but I would love to see you before the final explosion, and I doubt you will find it as hot the tenth time it happens."

At this, Kurt laughed aloud, and his hand started the petting again.

"Hey, don't laugh at me!"

"I'm not, it's just... You know it all began because of Santana's dare, right? At first, I was looking for some revenge, but maybe I should thank her. We are a collateral damage of her plan ..."

"A fucking good one, damn it!"

THE END

So, what do your think ?


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